I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
