so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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