There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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