last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
