i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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