Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
