Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
