garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
