I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You pole danced in your parka.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
