shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
