Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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