Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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