all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
