also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
