You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You made out with two different species that night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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