Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
