I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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