I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
