I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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