I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
