Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
