I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
