She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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