Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize