he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
