just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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