He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
