I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
