the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
