I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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