Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Bring me that man meat
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
