i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
