I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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