i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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