Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
