Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sober January is a disaster.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
