Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
