Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You took a bar mat shot.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
