so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
