yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
