if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
