You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
