how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
