we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
