party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
