Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
