Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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