You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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