He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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