I should be sponsored by Trojan
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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