Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
